QUANTAS pilots

SilverOne · Post by **SilverOne** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 6:14 pm

After every flight QUANTAS pilots fill out a 'gripe' sheet, which tells
mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems; document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review
the gripe sheet before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground
crews lack a sense of humour!

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by QUANTAS pilots.
The problems are marked by the pilots with a P, and the solutions with
an S by maintenance engineers.

P. Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
S. Almost replaced left inside main tyre

P. Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
S. Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

P. Something loose in cockpit
S. Something tightened in cockpit

P. Dead bugs on windshield
S. Live bugs on order

P. Autopilot in Auto-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S. Cannot reproduce problem on the ground

P .Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S. Evidence removed

P. DME volume unbelievably loud
S. DME volume set to more believable level

P. Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S. That's what they're for

P. IFF inoperable
S. IFF is always inoperable in OFF mode

P. Suspected crack in windshield
S. Suspect you're right

P. Number 3 engine missing
S. Engine found on right wing after brief search

P. Aircraft handles funny
S. Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

P. Target radar hums
S. Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P. Mouse in cockpit
S. Cat installed

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S. Took hammer away from midget

Post by **Lawndart** » Thu Nov 17, 2005 8:14 pm

Interesting you mention Quantas, since our very own #7, Cobra is a captain for them. Anyway, good stuff!

Here's a few more:

P. Ball in inclinometer stays centered during every turn.
S. Congratulations!

P. Whining sound heard after engine shutdown.
S. Pilot removed from aircraft.

Lawndart

SilverOne · Post by **SilverOne** » Fri Nov 18, 2005 9:13 am

RoFl.... didn't know that, but when i grow up i wanna be a pilot =)

Cobra · Post by **Cobra** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 4:52 pm

This is actually an old USAF thing.

Qantas pilots don't use the term "gripes". We also don't use "target radars"... (although sometimes I wish.....)

Someone put Qantas into that email long ago and somehow it has stuck.

I saw it back in the 80's when it was just a printed sheet going around the old crew-room.

SilverOne · Post by **SilverOne** » Sun Nov 20, 2005 5:26 pm

LoL!... it's old bt it's still funny.