Joke Thread

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Rhino
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Post by Rhino » Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:20 am

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Sox fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Sox fans too. Not really knowing what a Sox fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. One girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Sox fan."

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

"Why I'm proud to be a Chicago Cubs fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she is a Cubs fan.

"Well, My Dad and Mom are Cubs fans, and I'm a Cubs fan too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a Sox fan."
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Phantoms Phorever!
Luse
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Post by Luse » Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:13 am

LOL HAHAHA

Thats awesome Rhino ! :lol: :lol:
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franc01sss
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Post by franc01sss » Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:44 am

Wow I like this joke. But can you change Sox for Yankees

:twisted:
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Lawndart
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Not a joke, but this guy is a joke!!!

Post by Lawndart » Fri Jun 27, 2008 4:12 pm

How an idiot props an airplane!

It started out at the self-service Avgas pump.

A guy fueled his Cherokee, but knew he had a dead battery. Pushed the plane back, hopped in, primed the engine, left the throttle half open, mags on, and got back out.

Gave the prop a swift swing, and the engine fired right up. Right up to around 1800 rpm I guess!!

The plane took off, straight for the fuel farm.

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Fortunately, the prop hit this concrete filled steel post, designed for this very situation: To keep aircraft from running into the fuel tanks.

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Here's what happened next: Prop hit the post, and the crankshaft sheared right off the engine, sending the prop, hub and spinner flying like you only see in cartoons,
landing on the roof of a hangar, about 150 yards away.

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Here it is!

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Aftermath:

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And no, this did not buff right out. Plane was sold for $400 on the spot, carted out, and sold on eBay.

With today's medical expertise and knowledge, we can fix a lot of things. Stupid is not one of them!

Guy had no insurance. I understand he was under scrutiny by the FAA for running another plane out of fuel and landing it on highway 41 in Ft. Myers.
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Blaze
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Post by Blaze » Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:40 pm

Holy crap!!! :shock: I can imagine the prop whirring through the air, lol!
Design is all about finding solutions within constraints.
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Gunner
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Post by Gunner » Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:24 pm

This one kinda goes along with LD's...

They Walk Among Us

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up
$46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back
$46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a
mistake
in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was
Educated and
knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave
her the
Money back .... same scenario! I departed the store with the
$46.64.



They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free
coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she
looked over
at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'
'They're
already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so I guess they're
both
free'.

She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the
door.



They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends
when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!'. Someone
looked up
at the sky and said, 'Where'?



They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real
Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained,
he didn't
want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the
sun
rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun
rises in the
East, and has for sometime, ! she s h ook her head and said,
'Oh I don't
keep up with all that stuff.'



They Walk Among Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to
cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in
the
trunk.



They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area,
so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there
that my
bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry
because she
was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she
asked
me, has your plane arrived yet?'



They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the
cook asked
Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought
about it for
some time be! fore r esponding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I
don't think
I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'



They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce,
and Worst of all ............ THEY VOTE !!!!!!!
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Gunner
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Post by Gunner » Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:27 pm

Just eight years ago...

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Luse
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Post by Luse » Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:46 am

I have to drive this year. . .

Gas prices SUCK :(

Why couldn't I be 16 in '01
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Panther
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Post by Panther » Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:08 am

skru_luse wrote:I have to drive this year. . .

Gas prices SUCK :(

Why couldn't I be 16 in '01
I remember when gas was .89 and that wasn't that long ago ;)
Luse
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Post by Luse » Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:15 am

Oh sure Panther,

Make me feel WORSE lol :lol:

Well I guess you are one of the lucky ones :P
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Panther
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Post by Panther » Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:22 pm

A NUN WAS SITTING IN CALGARY AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO
CHICAGO. SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE
WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO
HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS
ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE
SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN. OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ,
'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO
CHICAGO '

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF
THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE
SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY
IT AGAIN

SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT
HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU
WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO
PLAY A FIDDLE.'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT
IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY
LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY
CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.
WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT
THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.

SURPRISED
AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE, THINKING,
'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK
TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND
ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128
LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK
WIND.'

NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG AS SHE
THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A
SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE
SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF
FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE
WIND.

ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND
LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS
TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS ONE MORE TIME.'

SHE
WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER
CARD CAME OUT. IT READ:

'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128
LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT
TO CHICAGO .
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Frazer
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End Of Ze World

Post by Frazer » Fri Jul 11, 2008 6:55 pm

Stupid but freakin funny :lol:

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Lawndart
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Post by Lawndart » Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:31 am

Classic!!! I remember sharing that years ago... :lol:
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Blaze
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Post by Blaze » Sat Jul 12, 2008 2:46 am

I laughed so hard when I saw this! :lol:

Design is all about finding solutions within constraints.
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Panther
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Post by Panther » Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:32 pm

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Pop, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie
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