Here are a few to start off...
- Notice to Windows users outside of South Philly
= Important update from Microsoft regarding Windows =
Dear Consumers,
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS XP SOUTH
PHILLY EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside South Philly.
If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands.
The South Philly edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen.
It reads: "WINDAS XP" with a background picture of the Italian Market.
When you start the program, instead of the usual "harpy, stringy" music,
you hear the theme from The Godfather. It is also shipped with a Sopranos screensaver.
Please also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "South West Philly".
My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computer".
The Inbox is referred to as "The Trunk".
Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked Out" or "Rubbed Out".
Dial up Networking is called "The Bar".
Control Panel is known as the "The Bosses".
Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancing the family
business" and will actually maximize the program instead of shutting it down.
Hard Drive is referred to as "I-95 Rush Hour".
Instead of an error message a "You ain't gonna friggin' believe this!"
pops up.
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTH PHILLY EDITION:
OK......................... Sure ting
Cancel.................... Fugetaboutit
Reset...................... Start Ova
Yes......................... Yeah
No.......................... Nah
Find........................ Put a contract out on
Browse................... Get a looksee
Back....................... Ubie
Help........................ (Help is not available - yous don't need no stinking help)
Stop........................ Knock it off
Start........................ Move it!
Settings................... Here is the Rules
Also note that any voice recognition software run on the SOUTH
PHILLY EDITION platform does not recognize the letter "r".
Some programs and other accessories that are exclusive to
WINDAS XP:
Typa................... A word processing program
Printa.................. Printer
Calculata............. Calculator
Solitare............... Seven Card Stud
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTH PHILLY EDITION.
You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
Yous got a problem wit dat? - Posted by Red Gold and Green @ FighterOps:
Top 45 Oxymorons
45. Act naturally
44. Found missing
43. Resident alien
42. Advanced BASIC
41. Genuine imitation
40. Airline food
39. Good grief
38. Same difference
37. Almost exactly
36. Government organization
35. Sanitary landfill
34. Alone together
33. Legally drunk
32. Silent scream
31. Living dead
30. Small crowd
29. Business ethics
28. Soft rock
27. Butt head
26. Military intelligence
25. Software documentation
24. New classic
23. Sweet sorrow
22. Childproof
21. "Now, then ..."
20. Synthetic natural gas
19. Passive aggression
18. Taped live
17. Clearly misunderstood
16. Peace force
15. Extinct life
14. Temporary tax increase
13. Computer jock
12. Plastic glasses
11. Terribly pleased
10. Computer security
9. Political science
8. Tight slacks
7. Definite maybe
6. Pretty ugly
5. Twelve-ounce pound cake
4. Diet ice cream
3. Working vacation
2. Exact estimate
1. Microsoft Works - Basic Flying Instructions:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,
buildings, sea, trees, and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to
fly there. - Striker this one's for you...
Helicopters are really a bunch of parts flying in relatively close formation;
all rotating around a different axis. Things work well until one of
the parts breaks formation. - Cessna pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the microphone.
- Navy carrier pilots regards Air Force pilots: "Flare to land, squat to pee."
Air Force pilots regards to Navy carrier pilots: "Next time a war is decided by how
well you land on a carrier, I'm sure our Navy will clean up. Until then, I'll worry
about who spends their training time flying and fighting". - A smooth landing in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.
- There are four ways to fly: the right way, the wrong way, the company way and the captain's way. Only one counts.
- A grease-job landing is 50 percent luck; two in a row are entirely luck; three in a
row and someone's lying. - I give that landing a 9. . . on the Richter scale.
- Gravity is bullshit: The Earth sucks.
- Alright that's enough. Let's make a 360 and get the hell out of here!?!